Stage Show


Author:  Ameryll

Category:  Humor.
Summary:  Flyx and Celi return to the Lucky Jedi Cafe. Flyx to cash in on some bets, Celi to look for more Jedi artifacts. What they find is a little more than the friendly Jedi cosplay that had been there when they last visited.
Disclaimer:  I don't make any money off of this. It's purely for fun.  George Lucas and LucasFilms own Star Wars, and any related trademarks or copyrights.  Celi and Oni are my own creation, Flyx is his own creation.
Timeline:  Roughly 450 years after the destruction of the second death star.  This takes place in a nearby galaxy to our beloved Star Wars galaxy called Farrina’s Web.
Notes: I borrowed Flyx, but I don't think he minds too much.



Stage Show

"Hey, Celi, what's the status?" Flyx called as he unceremoniously flopped into the co-pilot's chair of the Windy Skies.

"We'll drop out of hyperspace in just a minute. Hopefully the Hutt's won't notice us," Celi replied.

"If we were going for subtlety, I wouldn't have brought you along, let alone your ship," Flyx teased. If there was one thing his friend was not, it was subtle. "Relax. I greased enough palms that this should be as easy as stealing your father's glasses."

Celi nodded, not entirely convinced. But with all the two of them had been through, they should be able to handle one routine trip to Iben Hutta. Plus, with Oni along as extra muscle, they should be able to handle any tough situtations that might crop up. "Ok, dropping out of hyperspace now." Outside the cockpit window, the blue-white tunnel of hyperspace collapsed back into the many stars of Farrina's web, along with a very close view of Iben Hutta.

Flyx watched Celi expertly navigate her ship down to the landing bay and smiled. But he had to remind himself not to count his credits until they were in his paws.


The walk from the landing bay to the Lucky Jedi Cafe's docking point was relatively painless. Most of that was due to the fact that Celi had agreed to leave her many pets back to guard the ship. The only puppy following Celi down the street and drawing attention was Oni. Flyx was dressed in his usual outfit, right down to more jewelry than Celi could count. Celi, on the other hand, had opted to forego her robes and swords and was only dressed in her tunic, a blaster and a lightsaber. She hoped to draw a little less attention, but actively hiding who she was failed rather miserably on her last visit. Oni stood out no matter what he did. He also left the signature Jedi robe back at the ship and was only dressed in cargo pants, a white tank top, and a lightsaber. All in all, the group did not look like something the average thug wanted to mess with.

At the docks, the boat that housed the Lucky Jedi Cafe sat docked, waiting for the patrons to file on before it began it's daily journey. Celi and Oni followed in Flyx's footsteps, allowing him to do the majority of the talking.

"I'm sorry, auditions are closed," the majordomo called to Flyx as the three approached. "The positions were filled about a week ago."

"Auditions for what?" Flyx asked. Oni gave Celi a questioning look but she merely shrugged.

It was the majordomo's turn to look confused, "You aren't here to audition for the show?"

Flyx shook his head, "I have a bet I'd like to cash in with the owner of this fine establishment," Flyx explained.

The majordomo nodded slightly and examined the crowd. His eyes fell onto Celi's lightsaber, "Alright, you three can go on." Celi remembered the last time they'd been to the Cafe. They'd had to pretend to be interested in selling Bella's lightsaber in order to get on board. Perhaps the owner was still interested in such trinkets.

"Thank you," Flyx replied as he bowed to the Twi'lek, then marched up the ramp. Celi nodded before following with Oni on her heels.

The interior of the Cafe was much as Celi remembered it. The walls were lined with the alphabet in Jedi script, much to Oni's amusement. There was a section for games of chance, and a section for games of skills. Celi vaguely remembered a stage show in one section, so she excused herself from Flyx to go take a look. She thought Oni would be amused to see a bunch of stage actors pretending to fight like Jedi. But what she found was a bit more than she expected.

A large section of the room had been cleared out to make room for a sabacc table where two farghuls sat along with several humans and a Twi'lek. Behind the table, a brunette in her late 20's stood dealing the cards and watching the table warily. To the side, a blonde dressed in skin tight leather was doing a reasonable facsimile of Death's Angel. A few feet away from the blonde, a brunette dressed in a slightly revealing black pilot's suit both stood looking about as bored as the blonde. The brunette was watching the Sabacc game intently, while the blonde was watching the brunette. The whole scene was nothing like the lightsaber dueling that had been going on the last time Celi had visited but it gave her a vague sense of de-ja vu.

And then, the scene exploded into action. The card dealer stated the Flyx, had won the hand and the pot, then slid the chips over to the Farghul. At the same moment, the bounty hunter look alike drew a lightsaber and held it high above her head. "Hello, Celicia. Death comes for you..."

And with that, she swung the lightsaber at the now wide-eyed brunette.


Flyx had just finished casing out the card tables when he heard a slight commotion from the hallway out of the dealer's room. Celi had gone off in that direction, but she did have her husband to back her up if trouble came. And he didn't hear any weapons going off. But then he heard it... the familiar snap-hiss of a lightsaber followed by a second.

Being a Farghul who tangled with and worked with force users on a regular basis, Flyx was extremely fast on his feet. It was only moments before he saw what started the commotion.


"Hello, Celicia. Death comes for you," the Death's Angel look-a-like stated to the brunette coldly. She swung her lightsaber down at the brunette...

Celi was already beginning to move. She had her silver lightsaber out in the same moment that Oni had his own red lightsaber out. She knew that this wasn't the real Death's Angel. Was she then a bounty hunter riding on Death's Angel's reputation? And if so, did that mean she was compitent enough to stop Death's Angel from preventing this scar on her name. Or did it mean, she was incompitent, hoping to ride on a more experienced bounty hunter's name. But all that was quickly pushed aside to deal with the situation at hand.

"If you want me, then leave her alone and come get me," Celi said cooly. The bounty hunter's face flickered for just a moment, but the look of confusion was clear. It gave Celi enough time to evaluate the minds in the room..and blush.

"Uh, Celi," Flyx whispered from behind her shoulder. "I think this is a stage performance."

Oni started to laugh behind Celi as he clipped his lightsaber back on his belt. Celi scanned the room for actual danger.

"I can take care of myself, thanks," the brunette said coldly as one of the Farghuls in the act tossed her a lightsaber in time to defend against the Death's Angel look alike.

The Farghul then drew a blaster, "If you want her, you'll have to take both of us."

"I can take the two of you," the bounty hunter replied boldy, followed by a swift lightsaber chop at the brunette. She blocked, but her brown wig fell off to reveal a head of bright red-gold hair that fell fetchingly over her shoulders.

"I knew it was you, Jedi Skywalker. I sensed it," the bounty hunter proudly stated.

"Sense this," the now red haired woman called as she began a lightsaber assault on the bounty hunter of her own.

The fight was flashy and intense, and went all over the room. The Farghul got in a few blaster shots, but most went wide due to the acrobatics the lightsaber fighters were demonstrating. But in the end, the bounty hunter managed to get the upper hand. "I have you now," she stated as she swung her lightsaber down for a killing blow.

*fizzle* One of the few moments true to the incident being portrayed by the actors, Death's Angel's lightsaber fizzled and brought with it a grin from the fake Celi and the Farghul on stage. "Did you need this for something?" the Farghul called innocently.

"You haven't seen the last of me," the blonde bounty hunter called before vanishing in a puff of smoke.

"Thanks Flyx," the stage red-head called to the Farghul.

"You know I wouldn't leave you in the dirt," the Farghul replied quietly as the two headed off to grab a cup of ale at the bar.

Oni was the first to break the silence that had developed. "You're pretty hot, Celi," Oni commmented offhandedly, "But a bit more feminine than I remember."

He was rewarded with a gentle elbow in the gut. "You want to sleep on the floor?"

"You know I think you are the hottest," Oni soothed his wife's damaged ego. "Anyway, she looks nothing like you."

"Thanks a lot," the stage Celi hissed as she approached Celi and Oni. "You almost stole my performance."

"I'm sorry, I just heard a lightsaber being drawn and assumed it was someone after me," Celi explained half heartedly. The situation overall was still pretty funny.

"Why would you assume that? She said, eyeing the rest of the group for the first time. "You're here for Celi and Flyx's parts. well, they've been filled so you can pick up your fake lightsabers and scat." The woman's eyes lingered on Oni for a moment longer than Celi was comfortable with. To Flyx she added, "You look the part, but you," she continued to Celi, "are way too short. Why don't you try down the street. I hear they're auditioning dancing girls."

Celi just blinked a few times. She'd been made fun of when she was little for being a Mara Jade look a like, but to be made fun of for being her own -bad- look a like. She wasn't sure if she should be amused ot insulted. "It won't happen again," Celi replied calmly. She noticed Flyx was having trouble concealing his amusement.

With that settled so quickly, the Celi look a like seemed a bit shocked, but quickly moved on to her next target. "If you like Skywalkers, ditch the broad and I'll arrange a private performance for you later," she whispered to Oni, who backed up so fast he tripped over a bar stool.

"I...uh..." he quickly looked to Flyx for help.

"He's a eunuch," Flyx deadpanned to Oni's horror. Oni mouthed many things but nothing came out. Celi couldn't help but giggle now.

"He is? Oh..." the red head replied, quickly searching for a way out of the offer she'd just made.

"I..." Oni started to argue.

"That's what you get for ogling every red head that you see, Oni," Celi chided. "Sooner or later they ogle you right back."


"Elissa, you shouldn't harass the customers so," a voice Celi and Flyx recognized as the owner of the establishment from their previous visit.

Elissa looked confused, "You never complained in the past, and aren't you supposed to use my stage name while I'm in costume."

"In front of these guests, it wouldn't be appropriate," the owner replied.

"I don't remember it happening that way, sir," Celi told the manager.

"No, I definitely remember less ass kicking and more running on our part," Flyx added.

The owner merely shrugged. "That wouldn't sell as well as the infamous Flyx and Jedi Skywalker singlehandedly defeating Death's Angel here in this cafe."

"And she hasn't come to get you for sullying her reputation?" Celi asked.

"I think she prefers that her victims underestimate her," the manager guessed. "I imagine it makes her prey easier to catch. But shall we continue this conversation up in my office, Jedi Skywalker? Flyx?"

Elissa's jaw fell a few milimeters, "You mean...these are..." she stammered to a halt.

Flyx bowed deeply before responding, "Well of course I'm the infamous Flyx! Was there ever any doubt?" Elissa had to check her pockets for all her valuables and her duplicate fake Celi lightsaber before leaving the room.


"The blasters in the fight scene weren't as impressive as your fake lightsabers," Oni commented as they followed the owner up to his office.

"We haven't found a way to make the illusion realistic without also making it dangerous. Holos are too obviously fake, and energy shields have a tell tale flicker. So we have to trust our Farghul actor not to shoot Elissa or Trudy by mistake."

Death's Angel's actor is named Trudy? Celi smirked to herself.

"You know," the owner commented off handedly once they were in the office, "My show would do a lot better with some of the original equipment from that fight."

"I think Flyx is still using the same blaster," Celi replied gently. Though, she knew full well that this man was not after any blasters.

"I can find an identical blaster anywhere. But some of the other weapons are a bit more unique," he continued.

"No." Celi stated flatly.

He held up his hands in surrender, "Alright, you have the last word of course," but the man wasn't disuaded quite so easily. "Flyx, you know Jedi Skywalker better than most people. Could you convince her that it's for a good cause? I'll cut you 10% of the finder's fee if you do." His voice ended on a hopeful note.

"You can't even use a lightsaber in the show," Celi replied, resting a hand over her precious hilt as she did so.

"10% of whatever he pays you plus what he pays you...we could finance a decent chunk of a Jedi academy that way," Flyx mused. But it was only a hypothetical musing, as he knew Celi fought better with that saber than any other. "I can't convince her to part with it, and I'm not stupid enough to steal it."

The owner's face fell slightly.

"Cheer up. Maybe after a few more spiders and dark jedi, Flyx can start selling you the lightsabers we recover in battle. But not my lightsaber. It's saved my life too many times," Celi explained and the owner perked up a bit more.

"You said you have some business of your own, Flyx?"

"Yes, I placed two bets on my last trip here. I'd like to cash them in."

"I have a bet here that Jedi Skywalker's bounty would reach 100k, which it has," he replied as he filled out the cash slip for Flyx. "If you take this to the Twi'lek bartender downstairs, he'll cash that for you." Flyx took the piece of paper with a nod, and the owner continued to rummage through his files. "What was the other bet you wanted to cash, sir?"

"I bet that Lord Dichloris and Sir Darcy Ross are the same person. I'm prepared to prove it," Flyx stated. It would be interesting to prove.

"I'm sorry, the only bet on Lord Dichloris I have recorded under your name is that Lord Dichloris is some Farghul legend by the name of Tebythi. The odds were long anyway, given that they aren't even the same species. Are you still prepared to prove that?"

Celi quirked an eyebrow as Flyx's mouth moved open and shut once or twice. "How did...she?"

"She's Tebythi," Celi replied with a shrug.